Why The Devil Takes Advantage of Our Relationships

Esther 1:1-22

Have you ever felt like the world around you was moving at such an
incredible speed while you were standing still? I mean, have you ever
wondered if maybe you weren't going anywhere in life, at least not
everywhere you want to go? Have you ever asked yourself, "Is God even
at work in my life? Doesn’t He see that everything is at a standstill?"
Or worse yet, "Does He realize I feel like things are going backwards
in my life?"



It is when we are at these places in our lives that we are in an
incredibly dangerous spot. That's when Satan tries to take advantage of
the weakness of our sinful human nature. They work in tandem. Our own
weaknesses, coupled with the devil's deception, can make for a very
destructive mixture. Our lives can take some severely wrong turns when
we become disillusioned and start doubting God's involvement.



We begin this week on the book of Esther. She was an unlikely queen in
the Old Testament. Unlikely, because she was a Jewish orphan girl who
became queen of Persia! This is a truly incredible story of Divine
Destiny!



The Bible is such an exciting book because it is filled with such
stories! Consider the lives of Abraham and Sarah, Jacob, Joseph, David,
Mary the mother of Jesus, and so many more. If you read the biographies
in the Word of God you cannot help but see God at work in people's
lives, especially people who trust Him and look to Him for guidance!
And in each of those lives there are times when all seems lost. Things
have a way of seeming to get worse before they get better.



The story of God's work in the life of Esther begins with her in the
background. She isn't even mentioned in this first chapter of the book
that bears her name. God isn't mentioned either - not in the entire
book! Neither is the devil. But God and the devil are both involved in
what is about to happen. That's why this week we considered, "Why the
Devil Takes Advantage of Us – Wrong Things to Do When I'm Angry,
Depressed, Anxious, etc."



Here's the foundation of the story from chapter one of Esther.



1 These events happened in the days of King Xerxes, who reigned over
127 provinces stretching from India to Ethiopia. 2 At that time Xerxes
ruled his empire from his royal throne at the fortress of Susa. 3 In
the third year of his reign, he gave a banquet for all his nobles and
officials. He invited all the military officers of Persia and Media as
well as the princes and nobles of the provinces. 4 The celebration
lasted 180 days—a tremendous display of the opulent wealth of his
empire and the pomp and splendor of his majesty.



5 When it was all over, the king gave a banquet for all the people,
from the greatest to the least, who were in the fortress of Susa. It
lasted for seven days and was held in the courtyard of the palace
garden. 6 The courtyard was beautifully decorated with white cotton
curtains and blue hangings, which were fastened with white linen cords
and purple ribbons to silver rings embedded in marble pillars. Gold and
silver couches stood on a mosaic pavement of porphyry, marble,
mother-of-pearl, and other costly stones.



7 Drinks were served in gold goblets of many designs, and there was an
abundance of royal wine, reflecting the king's generosity. 8 By edict
of the king, no limits were placed on the drinking, for the king had
instructed all his palace officials to serve each man as much as he
wanted. 9 At the same time, Queen Vashti gave a banquet for the women
in the royal palace of King Xerxes.



10 On the seventh day of the feast, when King Xerxes was in high
spirits because of the wine, he told the seven eunuchs who attended
him—Mehuman, Biztha, Harbona, Bigtha, Abagtha, Zethar, and Carcas—11 to
bring Queen Vashti to him with the royal crown on her head. He wanted
the nobles and all the other men to gaze on her beauty, for she was a
very beautiful woman. 12 But when they conveyed the king’s order to
Queen Vashti, she refused to come. This made the king furious, and he
burned with anger.

13 He immediately consulted with his wise advisers, who knew all the
Persian laws and customs, for he always asked their advice. 14 The
names of these men were Carshena, Shethar, Admatha, Tarshish, Meres,
Marsena, and Memucan—seven nobles of Persia and Media. They met with
the king regularly and held the highest positions in the empire.



15 "What must be done to Queen Vashti?" the king demanded. "What
penalty does the law provide for a queen who refuses to obey the king's
orders, properly sent through his eunuchs?"



16 Memucan answered the king and his nobles, "Queen Vashti has wronged
not only the king but also every noble and citizen throughout your
empire. 17 Women everywhere will begin to despise their husbands when
they learn that Queen Vashti has refused to appear before the king. 18
Before this day is out, the wives of all the king's nobles throughout
Persia and Media will hear what the queen did and will start treating
their husbands the same way. There will be no end to their contempt and
anger.



19 So if it please the king, we suggest that you issue a written
decree, a law of the Persians and Medes that cannot be revoked. It
should order that Queen Vashti be forever banished from the presence of
King Xerxes, and that the king should choose another queen more worthy
than she. 20 When this decree is published throughout the king's vast
empire, husbands everywhere, whatever their rank, will receive proper
respect from their wives!"



21 The king and his nobles thought this made good sense, so he followed
Memucan's counsel. 22 He sent letters to all parts of the empire, to
each province in its own script and language, proclaiming that every
man should be the ruler of his own home and should say whatever he
pleases. (Esther 1:1-22, New Living Translation)



What King Xerxes did was wrong. He threw a drunken party; embarrassed
himself by making a foolish request of his wife; was further humiliated
because the queen had more decorum than he; and became so furious that
he tried to save face by following the chauvinistic and foolish advice
of his cabinet.



Anyway what King Xerxes did was wrong. But the book of Esther is about
how God was able to take his wrong and move in the life of Esther in a
way that would save the Jewish people. God was able to take a wrong and
make a tremendous "right" out of it. Stick with us in this story to see
how it all plays out.



Right up front you need to know this about God. He isn't handcuffed by
people's bad decisions.



King Xerxes made a bad decision. It was foolish of him to have Queen
Vashti deposed and exiled in his anger. But God is so wise and so much
in command of the situation, that He uses this foolish decision in the
king's life to make something good of it.



People have made foolish choices that have adversely affected your
life. Or you've faced other setbacks, defeats and discouragements
because of poor decisions that you or someone else has made in a moment
of anger or depression or fear.



God is able to take bad things and make good of them in your life!



But before we get to some of those good things that only God can do,
let's learn from the king's mistake so that we too don't make stupid
choices like he did. Doing stupid stuff when we're angry is like buying
stuff with a credit card and not paying it off before the interest
accrues. Buy now. Pay later. And pay with interest.



Wrong Things to Do When I’m Angry (or depressed, or fearful, or
anxious, or worried…)



1. It's a mistake to invest in pride.



But when they conveyed the king's order to Queen Vashti, she refused to
come. This made the king furious, and he burned with anger. Esther 1:12
(NLT)



King Xerxes throws a mammoth 6-month long party and invites dignitaries
from the 127 different provinces over which he rules. Then he follows
that up with a one-week long party for anybody and everybody in the
capital city. What's the purpose of this celebration? To impress people
with how important he is!



Xerxes' dumb decision to get rid of Vashti stemmed from what we would
call his ego, better yet his pride. He made a foolish request of his
wife; an unmannerly, unkind, and disrespectful request for her to
appear before the drunken mob as a sex object. Then he gets angry
because she has better sense than he does!



Pride often initiates, inflames and intensifies anger. That's why it's
a big mistake to invest in pride. Whatever I invest in becomes what I'm
committed to. Once Xerxes had invested so deeply in pride he had
committed himself to self-glorification and self-honor. He became so
self-focused that he had no clue as to what his request would mean to
his wife.



We all have these momentary lapses of judgment when we think too highly
of ourselves. The key is not to let this false impression of ourselves
last. Don't invest in them. When we feel foolish pride swelling up
inside us we need to follow the old adage of swallowing our pride.



I've heard messages and even done plenty of teaching myself on the
topic of dealing with anger, and the best guard against doing stupid
stuff when I'm angry (or hurt, or depressed, or fill in the blank with
your favorite bad behavior), is to head anger (or any other bad
behavior) off at the pass. If pride precedes into passion then I need
to get to the roots of my problem.



2. It's a mistake to borrow bitterness.



What's the first thing King Xerxes did when Queen Vashti turned down
his insulting idea?



He immediately consulted with his wise advisers, who knew all the
Persian laws and customs, for he always asked their advice. Esther 1:13
(NLT)



What's wrong with this picture? Isn't it smart to get ideas from other
people when you confront a tough situation? Sure. Generally speaking,
it IS wise to lean upon a wider body of ideas than only that which
comes from your own experiences in life. But think about it, Was he
really asking the right people?



Do you know what I think the king was doing? I think he was doing the
same thing we've all done before. He asked these guys because he knew
that they would tell him what he wanted to hear.



The purpose of his 6-month and 1-week long party was to show everybody
how important he was! His "crowning" moment was going to be the gem
appearance of his beautiful wife. He was going to parade her into the
arena of the drunk inhabitants of the capital city – and insult of all
insults – she refuses to comply to his demands!



I want to pause and insert something here about relationships. It is
never proper to make requests of others that humiliate, belittle, or in
any way exploit them. Chuck Swindoll says this about Queen Vashti's
refusal to her husband’s abusive request:



"I…admire Queen Vashti. In the midst of an unsavory scene she was brave
enough to say no to that which was blatantly wrong, and in resisting
this insulting act of indignity, she took a stand against the greatest
power in her universe. Good for her!



Submission does not mean that a wife is a sexual pawn in the carnal
desires of her husband. It was never God's design that a wife submit to
her husband's evil desires. In King Ahasuerus' case, this took the form
of desiring to display her before those who would have nothing in mind
but lust. What he asked was not submission; it was sexual slavery. And
I applaud Queen Vashti for her courageous decision. Marriage does not
give a husband the right or the license to fulfill his evil fantasies
by using his wife as a sexual object.



So a word of warning here: Be careful, men, what you ask of the woman
God has given you. Be certain that it doesn't assault her dignity as a
person, or turn a precious human being, created in God's image, into a
sexual object for your own carnal gratification.



Now back to the point about it being a mistake to borrow bitterness.
Reading the reply of the king's cabinet to his plea for advice you get
the idea that these guys were insecure to say the least and bitter to
boot.



16 Memucan answered the king and his nobles, "Queen Vashti has wronged
not only the king but also every noble and citizen throughout your
empire. 17 Women everywhere will begin to despise their husbands when
they learn that Queen Vashti has refused to appear before the king. 18
Before this day is out, the wives of all the king's nobles throughout
Persia and Media will hear what the queen did and will start treating
their husbands the same way. There will be no end to their contempt and
anger.



19 "So if it please the king, we suggest that you issue a written
decree, a law of the Persians and Medes that cannot be revoked. It
should order that Queen Vashti be forever banished from the presence of
King Xerxes, and that the king should choose another queen more worthy
than she. 20 When this decree is published throughout the king's vast
empire, husbands everywhere, whatever their rank, will receive proper
respect from their wives!" 21 The king and his nobles thought this made
good sense, so he followed Memucan's counsel. 22 He sent letters to all
parts of the empire, to each province in its own script and language,
proclaiming that every man should be the ruler of his own home and
should say whatever he pleases.



That's quite an overreaction! But the king falls for it because it is
precisely what he was listening for!



Be careful about picking people to give you advice who are going to
tell you what you want to hear. ESPECIALLY BE CAREFUL ABOUT LISTENING
TO BITTER PEOPLE! What you need are people who are going to have enough
integrity to tell you what you NEED to hear!



It is not difficult to read between the lines and see the bitterness
and insecurity of the king's counselors. These guys were not fit to
lead the kingdom. They didn't even know how to lead in their own homes!
YOU DON’T LEAD PEOPLE BY DICTATORSHIP. Oh you can get some of what you
want by bullying people. But you can't have loving, lasting
relationships without leading people by example and respect.



These counselors had an axe to grind. People who have an axe to grind
will chop you up!



King Xerxes was proud. His pride led to anger. And then, he listens to
a bunch of bitter guys, men who obviously didn't get it. These men
thought you could legislate respect by saying whatever you please to
your wife. "Pass a law. Make it legal for a man to say whatever he
wants to say to his wife; treat her any way he pleases and she has to
put up with it." Knuckleheads! Duh!



If you follow that kind of advice in your relationships, that kind of
bitterness will backfire on you!



In his book, The 7 Sins of Highly Defective People, Rick Ezell writes:
“When my wife and I were in London one spring, we discovered that some
of the bombs dropped on England are still killing people. Sometimes
they are discovered; sometimes blow up at construction sites, in
fishing nets or on beaches more than 50 years after the war. Undetected
bombs become more dangerous with time because corrosion can expose the
detonator."



What is true of bombs that are not dealt with is also true of people
who have unresolved anger. Buried anger explodes when we least expect
it. When anger explodes, it does all sorts of damage. It severs
relationships. It causes ulcers. It leads to murder. When anger is
turned inward, it leads to depression. When it is turned outward, it
leads to aggression. So, we all have to deal with our anger, not bury
it.



Anger is like a splinter in your finger. If you leave it there, it gets
infected and hurts every time you use your finger. If you remove it,
the sore heals and you feel better.



Don't borrow bitterness! Don't let someone else's unresolved anger
invade your life! It kills relationships! Wrong things to do when I’m
angry, depressed, etc.: 1) Invest in anger; 2) Borrow bitterness; and…



3. It’s a mistake to trade relationships.



So if it please the king, we suggest that you issue a written decree, a
law of the Persians and Medes that cannot be revoked. It should order
that Queen Vashti be forever banished from the presence of King Xerxes,
and that the king should choose another queen more worthy than she.
Ester 1:19 (NLT)



Let me preface this point by saying that I am not trying to excavate
anyone's past sins. Some of you have gone through very painful and
heartbreaking ends to relationships in your past. Please know that I
know, and more importantly, God knows, that those are in your past.



We've all made mistakes in our relationships. God knows that Lori and I
have made some serious mistakes in our past lives. But those are in our
past and our marriage is strong and secure. It also does not mean we
trade relationships when we go through some rough spots. It's those
rough spots you should be able to overcome and move on. Dealing with it
is the best thing to do and not bury it till one day it explodes out of
no where.



King Xerxes made the serious mistake of deciding to trade
relationships. He decided to choose another queen instead of working
out his problem with Vashti. Vashti wasn't unfaithful, so he had no
grounds for divorce.



I'm sorry about all the marriages that have broken up. I'm sorry for
some of you who have gone through divorce. But all of us need to stand
together to try and help marriages remain intact from this point
forward. Our hearts need to go out to those recovering from divorce,
yet at the same time we need to do everything in our power to see that
divorce is not the answer that a lot of people think it is.



Christ followers need to be committed to making their marriage work by
turning to Christ and finding ways to overcome their obstacles. What we
are dealing with today is an important principle. King Xerxes made the
mistake that a lot of people make today. In pride and anger, in
bitterness and in response to bad advice, he ended his relationship
with his wife and sought another.



Yes, as we noted at the beginning of this message, God is able to take
bad choices and make good out of them. I don't understand how God does
it – He's God! He deserves a lot of praise for this and so many other
reasons!



We'll begin to see next week in this series that God was strategically
able to make the Jewish orphan girl named Esther the next queen, and
how, by becoming queen, she was able to save her people.



But that is not to say that what the king did was right. Yes, God is
merciful, He is gracious, and He is kind! But don't mistake God's
wonderful attributes with approval for our sin. By using the king's
mistake to raise up Esther, God was not approving divorce. He was not
approving how Xerxes treated Vashti. He was showing us how much He
loves us, and how He can work in our lives in spite of our sin!



It is a mistake to trade relationships when the going gets rough.



I read something awhile back how Will Smith mentioned, that he and his
wife Jade Pinkett Smith had been married for ten years. When asked how,
in Hollywood terms, they had remained together so long, Smith replied,
"What I found is divorce just can't be an option…I think that's the
problem with L.A. – there are so many options. So a huge part of the
success for Jada and me is that we just removed the other options."



I believe that's a good platform on which to base a marriage. Both
parties need to be committed to that precept – divorce is not an
option. Lori and are committed to that precept. I know many others who
have been. And it is a powerful tool for working things out in your
relationships.



Once again, I realize this is a tender subject and I also know that
some of you believed in that precept when you had spouses who didn't.
But as much as possible we need to believe that our marriages are worth
fighting for! I suggest getting that movie "FireProof" Great movie.
Lori and I watched it and loved it. Better yet for some of you who are
having difficulties or you know of any couple who is, ask your church
to hold a class on it. "FireProof" You will be glad you did it.



Later in the book of Esther we'll see signs that King Xerxes regretted
his hasty decision. It was foolish.



It's just one of the foolish things we can do when we're angry,
depressed, frustrated, etc. It's why the devil takes advantage of us.
He knows that our immediate gratification is not as profitable for us
as waiting on God.



What mistake(s) do you need to avoid when the pressure’s on:



1. It's a mistake to invest in pride.

2. It's a mistake to borrow bitterness.

3. It's a mistake to trade relationships.